Splintered Reflections

*Peeks out from under metaphorical duvet*  Is it safe to come out yet?

Recently, I was slapped in the face.  My assailant went by the name of JANUARY.

There was I, happily floating along on a tide of tinsel, turkey sandwiches, kids high on chocolates from the tree, episodes of Eastenders and glances at the clock whilst muttering about “yard arms”, when I was cruelly and swiftly TAKEN DOWN by JANUARY and her slippery sidekick, ICE.

To be exact, the accident occurred on 28 December.  However, the operation to have my arm pinned on 29 December, a heady cocktail of dizzying painkillers and an alcohol-fuelled New Year’s celebration saw me through to the dawn of 2010 and the gigantic LOGISTICAL NIGHTMARE that came with it.  December never really had a proper look in at the stress, trauma, pain and frustration that January turned out to be.

I won’t go into too much detail, suffice to say that chopping food, preparing meals, changing nappies, opening jars, doing up zips, tieing shoelaces, unscrewing children’s drinking receptacles, fastening buttons, hoovering, steering a pushchair, sweeping, washing up, doing up bras, undoing bras, chopping food into bitesize pieces, brushing teeth, carrying a screaming child (large or small), typing and writing become impossible.

Oh, and using Tampax has proven to be a bitch too.

But, as with every period of stress, depression, frustration and hardship in life, there is usually an ending.  Mine is scheduled for 19 February.  I will be de-pinned and my liberty restored.

Family and friends have asked me how I have coped.  My bag of tricks has included:

• Temporarily giving up alcohol (in the assumption that if I was to open a bottle of wine, I would drink it down in one, through a straw, and end up a teary, slobbering heap on the floor).
• Taking plenty of exercise.  Never before have I felt the need for endorphins comparable to my need for oxygen, or Holby City, for example.
• Saying “Well, it could have been a lot WORSE!” out loud, rather a lot (say, two hundred times a day).  I don’t have to believe it, you understand, but saying it a lot keeps my mind from thinking about the whereabouts of the nearest razor, bottle of wine, packet of Haribo etc.
• Twitter.

Yes, Twitter.  Here I can hear several guffaws from those who see tweeting as an activity only undertaken by the clinically brain-dead or the hopelessly-narcissistic.  I sincerely hope that I do not fall into either category.

The beauty of Twitter is that it is perfectly accessible to the one-armed, one-fingered typist.  A status length of 140 characters is a do-able feat.  So do-able, in fact, I have been “tweeting” like an idiot.  My followers have gone from a meagre 26 or so to a relatively respectable 104.  I have received tweets from comedy heroes such as @simonpegg, @nickjfrost, hell, even a direct message from Peter Serafinowicz (@serafinowicz) during a rather rampant attack of insomnia, containing a link to his web review of the new iPad.  All of which made my heart-flutter and took my mind off my not-so-bionic arm.

Also, I have “met” some really cool and interesting fellow “Tweeps”.  FAR too many to list here, of course.  However, I would really like to point you in the direction of some musical talent by the name of Octave.  I wasn’t aware of the band until now, but thankfully Rob Dixon of Octave introduced me, via his tweets, to their beautiful song The Midnight Train (available on iTunes).  I am LOVING this track and find myself drawn to it, like a moth to a flame, at the end of another fraught day with a broken arm and two mini-people.

More calming fodder comes in a sweet attempt by The Utility to reassure me that I could recover from this initial setback to 2010.  He recommends that we observe Chinese New Year.  However, I do not think I can wait until 14 February to start my year proper, especially when I am hoping to be distracted by the inevitable feast of champagne and Belgian chocolates bestowed by said Utility in celebration of St Valentine’s Day…

So New Year starts now!

I have regained some mobility in my arm and can now write without too much pain.  Projects and ideas are underway for the New Year; I am working on a new poem, entitled “Pagophobia” (go on, look it up…) and a piece of writing entitled “Hope”.  It does what it says on the tin…

Blog posts should come thicker and faster now.  It is blissful to return to my first love – writing.  This is my first proper post of 2010…

Happy New Year everyone!