Some people are terrified of change and go to great lengths to escape it. There are also those who embrace it, deliberately shaking the foundations of their existence in order to alter the landscape in which they exist.
Even to those people who thrive on new challenges and experiences, there is nothing on this earth that will truly prepare them for the journey ahead, if the journey they have chosen is the nurture and care of a new life.
The inevitable changes that occur can be particularly difficult for mothers.
It can be argued that motherhood begins as soon as a woman discovers she is pregnant. From that moment on, she is protective of the life growing inside her and makes numerous lifestyle changes in order to nourish it. During the early part of pregnancy, it is a worrying time for mothers-to-be, particularly as miscarriages in first pregnancies are common; and can seemingly occur for no reason. It is difficult to focus on anything else at this time, and too easy to get consumed with concerns over a future ahead that holds so many unknowns.
During pregnancy, a woman’s body changes dramatically with every passing week. Some women love pregnancy and describe it as time in their life when they felt at their best; full of energy, vitality and lust for life. Others prove not to be so lucky and can experience many side-effects.
Particularly with a difficult pregnancy, the forthcoming birth can be perceived as the “light at the end of the tunnel”. In truth, during the few days following childbirth, there are often overwhelming feelings that despite many months of “preparation” and feeling now like some kind of “pregnancy veteran”, we have bitten off more than we can chew. We hold our newborn in our arms and realise that this is merely the beginning. We have only just taken a few little teetering steps on the road that is motherhood.
Those first few weeks are extremely tough on new parents and, again, particularly on the mother. If she is breastfeeding, night-time can prove to be a test of endurance from which there is little escape, as newborns “fed-on-demand” become very demanding indeed, at least until such time as a regular feeding pattern can be established. Formula-fed babies tend to need less feeds, but this is still something that has to be learned. Breast-feeding, bottle-feeding, winding, soothing, caring; every aspect of motherhood is a new technique to be mastered, and each newborn has a unique set of needs.
It is said that the body takes a year to recover from the trauma of giving birth. During this time, whilst a new mother’s body is recovering, she is also facing many emotional and mental challenges.
Post-natal depression is something to watch out for, particularly as a first-time mum. “Baby blues” is common and tends to affect most mothers after the initial adrenalin rush after giving birth, but when a temporary “gloom” lasting a few days or weeks does not lift, but instead descends into a darker climate still, there needs to be cause for concern. It is important for those close to a new mother to keep a watchful eye on how she is doing, and to address any issue should it arise. Finding motherhood tough is no reason to feel ashamed.
Having the responsibility of a child can be utterly overwhelming. Where once there was selfishness; there is selflessness. When once there was time for yourself, it now seems that there is precious little time even to escape to the bathroom. The hours in the day seem to disappear and you are left wondering how you ever managed to achieve anything in just a 24 hour period, before this little “being” came into your life.
It is normal to feel a loss of your own identity, as the identity of your child becomes the primary focus in your life. It is easy to forget who you “were” and, easier still, to know that whoever you “were”, you will never be the same again.
If you choose to be a “working mother”, you may find you have lost confidence when you return to your place of work. Tasks you previously did with your eyes shut now seem oddly challenging. Thoughts of your child are constant and it is extremely difficult to change your mind set from one of “mothering” to one of “working”. Feelings of guilt may arise due to the misconception that you have put your own career needs first. It is also true to say, that in some workplaces, the view held of a working woman without children differs slightly to the one held of a working mother. Mothers in the workplace are often overlooked for promotions and offered less pay increases. It is sometimes perceived that their focus lies elsewhere and that their mind is not fully “on the job”. Many working mothers complain that they are no longer taken seriously as viable candidates at job interviews, if indeed they mention that they have a family.
Motherhood affects us on numerous levels; we change physically, emotionally and mentally. We will never really put ourselves first again, at least, not in the true sense of the words. We would die for our children. That can be said for the majority of mothers, at least.
It is an emotional rollercoaster; a ride that will never end. Whenever it occurs, that “moment” when we take the decision to become a parent, that is the point in time when our life takes a new direction and there are no further “U-turns” allowed.
And with this unstoppable forward motion, we begin our journey.
Imagine, at your journey’s start, being presented with a book entitled “Motherhood”. It is large, surprisingly heavy and it feels enchanted somehow. You are told that the book contains knowledge, secrets, discoveries and answers. You are thankful.
However, when you open the cover, you are dismayed to discover nothing but empty pages.
And then it dawns on you; the only truly valuable knowledge you need is in the gradual unfolding of your own story.
I am pleased to say that I write from experience. I am a mother to two beautiful babies. During their lives so far, “Mummy” has indeed been lost, but now is discovering herself once more and is slowly writing her story.
Motherhood is the hardest thing I have ever undertaken. I have been stripped bare, a newborn once more, forced to search again for what it means to be “me”.
But it’s been more than worth it. I would have it no other way.
