So much of our time these days is spent discussing physical appearance; how, as a society, there is pressure for us to conform to an “ideal”. Magazines and newspapers regularly feature articles on anorexia, bulimia, self-harming and all manner of destructive conditions, blaming pressure from the fashion, film and music industries, leading us on a crusade to celebrate being happy in the skin we are in.
But turn to the next page in these same publications and what do we see? We see the tantalising eyes and beautiful cheekbones of “Size Zero” models, posing in designer clothes and expensive jewellery, oozing with style and confidence; a very contrary message to the one read only momentarily before; a message that does nothing but confuse.
Yes, these kinds of “mixed messages” churned out by the media need addressing; however, essentially, I think we are missing the point.
So much emphasis is given to being happy with our physical selves. However, I truly believe that happiness cannot be achieved if we are not happy with ourselves as people, on an emotional, mental and spiritual level. Our thoughts, words and deeds make us who we are; not the size jeans we are wearing.
I believe that some people obsess about their appearance, because it is the only facet of themselves they feel they can control. In a way, this conveniently detracts from having to look at themselves as people, because the reality of who they are as people is something they are not able to deal with.
But we cannot be happy with what is “within” us, if we are not prepared to examine who we are. I believe the main reason so many of us refuse to look closely “within”, is that generally, we are terrified we will not like what we see there. Human nature usually dictates that we all want to like ourselves, and we want others to like us. Self-examination means that we may find something that we don’t like; something that needs to change.
We are afraid of change. Why? Because it means we have to venture into the unknown. It also means hard work, possibly even emotional pain, whilst we deal with facets of ourselves that we don’t like that are most likely caused by painful experiences from our past.
I also think self-awareness has much to do with generation. It is becoming more acceptable now to talk, to self-examine, to seek therapy; to be “self-aware”. It certainly was not the “done thing” in previous generations to talk about private lives to anything beyond a superficial extent, nor was it normal to seek “outside” help for an “inside” problem. It was not acceptable to “talk about how we were feeling”, but we were merely told to keep quiet and get on with it.
Learned behaviour carries through into the next generation and, unfortunately, as pressures from a changing society build, those who cannot deal with problems in a healthy way, by self-examining and talking, get left behind on the “scrapheap” of stress, nervous breakdowns and depression. Somewhere the cycle needs to be broken.
Healthy behaviour needs to be learned, and therefore it needs to be taught. I believe the root of the problem, and therefore the solution, lies in the way we bring up our children and the way we teach them in schools. Physical exercise is generally compulsory in a school’s curriculum and I believe lessons in “Self-Awareness” and “Self-Esteem” should be too. In the workplace, there are often courses and seminars for employees in which they can learn techniques in being more confident and self-aware, in order to be more successful in their chosen field. But why can we not offer this kind of message earlier on, before these skills are lost, and instead build on what our children already have?
If, as parents and teachers, we can concentrate on offering the new generation ways of being happy with themselves as people, this will surely lead to healthier citizens and, in turn, a healthier and better society in which to live.
Of course, being physically healthy is very important. But I believe being emotionally and mentally healthy is of equal value. Without mental and emotional well-being; the ability to be happy with who we are, our exterior is simply a very pretty shell-like exterior, hiding a potentially unhappy person inside. I imagine, to some, a pretty shell can easily become a prison.
