Children remember such tiny details. Only earlier this evening, two days before we leave for our annual “ice hockey weekend” to a beautiful nearby mountain resort, my boyfriend, a keen ice-hockey player, sat our two year old daughter down to a “mini-briefing” of our family trip ahead.
The topic of conversation was “icy-kating”, that’s ice-skating to you and me. Recently we bought a little pair of strap-on blades for her shoes, in the excited hope that, this year, she will be able to have a little fun on the ice of her own.
However, the conversation became somewhat “staccato”, due to her constant, determined, interjections.
“I want a penguin. I want a penguin!” She was adamant on this point.
Frustrated, my boyfriend gave up, vowing to try again tomorrow when she would be a little fresher and less distracted. It was only half an hour later when it dawned on us. She had simply been recalling a memory from last year’s trip; a sudden flashback in my mind’s eye saw kids as young as two years old on the ice, sons and daughters of other team members, skating like demons, pushing along enormous plastic, sliding penguins! My daughter is not just a pretty face, you understand.
Details, quality of information, unique moments in time; these are things that make our childhood memories special.
Nothing is more precious in this life, than the wondrous gift of time. Whether we are captured in a moment, a memory, a relationship or a lifestyle; we can never know when our time is up. There is only really one true certainty; it does not last forever. We watch our children grow so fast, changing daily, always conscious that we can never recapture these moments that play out before us. We must therefore give them the best that we have and create the finest memories possible. There is nothing more gratefully received than our time.
Nowadays, when a flagging economy and pressures of society cause us to work harder and longer, it can lead to less family and social time outside of the workplace. It becomes essential in these times, therefore, to spend as much quality time with our children. Whilst we cannot magically prevent society’s problems from our crossing our threshold, our time is something that can be shared quite easily. It simply takes some structure and planning.
As a family, we have some financial issues that mean it is difficult for us to spend money on activities. Rather than finding this an obstacle, I have discovered it helps me to think in far more resourceful ways. I can now come up with numerous inexpensive and varied activities that I can enjoy with my kids.
For instance, I take my kids on “Magical Mystery Tours”. I pack up lunches and drinks, and we take a train or bus somewhere new. I do a little research on the internet beforehand, simply to ensure that there is somewhere a little picturesque to walk and maybe a play area. I also check it’s not too far for my two year old to totter around (she turns her nose up at the pushchair these days), and that there are shops or places nearby with toilet facilities. Exploring somewhere new together is great fun, as your children can feel “part of it all” as you discover what’s around the next corner.
When the weather lets us down, I try and make “indoor days” fun and exciting, by turning off the TV and organising arts and crafts. It can be messy, but if you have enough plastic sheets or old blankets, you can really go to town. Everything can be cleaned up afterwards and your children can let their creative imagination run wild. Don’t just watch the activities, take part! You will be surprised at how much fun you can have. The internet is a great source of ideas for indoor games and crafts and even has free downloads of pictures for children to colour in or paint.
Depending on the size of your family, it is desirable to spend some quality time with each of your children alone. Do this as a couple if you can, but also as one-to-one time, with just one parent and one child. Without the distraction of siblings trying to steal the attention, it is amazing what can be learned from such times. You can really find out what is going in the life of your child and how they feel about everything. We like to think we know, but until there is open “forum” for your child to speak his or her mind, without interruption or judgement, it is impossible to be sure.
My boyfriend and I often spend a night apart and each of us cares for one of the children. We call upon our friends or family to provide two out of the four of us with a room for the night. Of course, one of the children is disappointed that they are the one who has to stay at home, but we believe it is an important lesson in “awaiting their turn”. We also make the “home option” as exciting as possible too, with plenty of activities.
Inventing stories together is another great way of feeding your child’s imagination. We have a ritual in our house that just before bedtime, we tell stories to each other about our day. I tell a story of adventure to my daughter, with her as the central character and describing her in the third person. I include everything she has done that day, all the sights she saw, all the games she played and, perhaps most importantly of all, we recap on what new things she learned. She delights in filling in the gaps in my memory!
Jokes are important in our family life. Children develop a sense of humour from a very young age and encouraging them to laugh and see the funny side of things is, in fact, arming them with an essential skill and a great way of getting them to think positively as a way of life. I often tell my daughter, “You know, you are just SO funny!” I believe affirming that you are laughing with your child is a great way of enhancing communication between the two of you. Some of my best memories of my children come from times when we are sitting down after dinner, giggling about our day and tickling each other mercilessly.
It is time now for a brief word of caution. I think it is also important to use your time as a “tool” with which you can discipline your child and send important messages. Whilst all children need adequate attention, quality time should not be given when they have behaved badly. Do not reward poor behaviour with an activity or outing, as this says to them that their behaviour is acceptable and has no real consequence. Of course, attention needs to be given to the child to ascertain why the bad behaviour has occurred, but stand firm.
Raising a child is the toughest job there is, but it can also be the most rewarding one. The more quality time you spend with your child, the more you will get to know them. This can only enhance your relationship and lead to a better understanding of needs; both theirs and yours.
When I kiss my daughter goodnight, I tell her I love her, give her a cuddle, tuck her in and, finally, tell her that she is my best friend. These words I mean from the bottom of my heart. She has taught me more about me than I ever thought another person could.
Yesterday, I was sitting on the sofa and my daughter sidled up to me and asked me what I was doing. I told her I was thinking.
She looked thoughtful for a moment and said, “Wait a minute, I will get something to help.”
She returned a minute later and placed something in my hand. It was a large, shiny conker, a prized discovery that she had found during her walk earlier.
“There,” she said, before toddling off and settling herself down in front of her favourite TV show.
I don’t know quite what that little exchange meant, but since that moment, we have called the conker the “Conker of Thinking”. Sometimes, we call it the “Thinking Woman’s Conker”. Either way, we collapse into giggles at the very mention of it.
Just before her bedtime tonight, she was sitting quietly on the beanbag in front of the window. Face scrubbed and teeth brushed, she was wearing her favourite purple polka dot pyjamas. The autumn sunlight streamed through the partially open blinds, casting contrasting stripes across her blonde head and highlighting tiny dust particles floating in the air around her.
I watched her for a minute as she looked wistfully out of the window and then she suddenly turned her attention to her fist, clenched tightly in her lap. As she unfurled her fingers, I caught sight of the shiny conker held tightly in her palm. And I knew then that there is more going on in that fascinating, enthralling, enchanting little head than I can ever hope to dream about.
